Prosperity Attraction – you create your own reality

As we prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US I find myself in an interesting space with lots of opportunity for personal growth. This is the first Thanksgiving since my wife and I separated. So my daughter, Ella, and I will be hosting a small gathering at our house. We’ll be with some wonderful friends celebrating and offering our gratitude for the blessing in our lives.

But, even knowing this, as Ella and I spent time yesterday preparing for the holiday - shopping, cleaning, etc., - I felt a deep sadness threatening to overwhelm me: For the first time in 8 years I will not be celebrating the holiday with Melissa. And for the first time in at least 3 years, we will not be traveling east to join in the celebration with my parents, siblings and other family members.

While the holidays are “marketed” as a time of joy and love, they can also catalyze emotions at the other end of the emotional spectrum including sadness, grief, depression, anger and more. When these “darker” emotions show up, especially around the holidays, there can be a tendency to push them away. After all this is a time of giving thanks, a time for celebrating and appreciating family and friends. This is not the time to be grappling with sadness.

At least that’s what the prevailing “wisdom” says.

Yesterday, I found myself listening to that wisdom and attempting to deny the sadness. It was easy to justify the pushing away: I’ve already done plenty of grieving over the dissolution of our family. There’s no need for more. Especially not at this time of giving thanks.

I should be focusing on all of the blessings in my life, right?

Yes. Absolutely.

Of course the trap that most of us fall into is to give thanks for the things that we like while avoiding, denying or suppressing that which we don’t enjoy quite so much.

Perhaps we are thankful for the new car you have, but don’t feel quite so grateful each time we write the check to pay the car loan each month.

Maybe we give thanks for the way our partner holds us while we’re falling asleep, but don’t feel quite so grateful when he or she leaves dirty dishes in the sink.

Or perhaps, like me, you are grateful for the joy the holiday season brings, but not so willing to embrace the feelings of sadness that may also arrive.

Yesterday I got to watch myself turning my back on the sadness, attempting to push it back down into the shadows. I observed myself eating when I wasn’t hungry. I watched myself go shopping for Thanksgiving dinner and buy way more food than we needed. I saw myself calling friends, seeking the solace of connection.

And in all of these activities I was aware of my desire to fill the deep sadness and emptiness I felt inside.

It was not until late last night, after Ella was asleep, that I was able to let go of the resistance and allow myself to fully embrace that sadness.

The key for me was to stop running from the sadness, and to acknowledge it, appreciate it and allow it to flow, unrestricted, through me. And the interesting, though not surprising, thing is that as soon as I released my resistance, the intensity of the experience immediately decreased.

Once my resistance was gone, and the sadness could flow through me, unencumbered, there was no more pressure building up inside of me. Just like a river that encounters a fallen log on its journey to the ocean, my sadness encountered resistance in its path and had no choice but to push against it.

If you’ve ever seen a river smashing up against an obstacle you’ve seen how powerful that force can be. And if you have ever attempted to cross a river with a decent current you have actually felt that power.

Emotion is an equally powerful force.

It can be helpful to think of emotion as E - Motion or Energy in Motion. When you attempt to block or resist the emotional flow of energy it is like building a damn of logs and rocks in a very strong river: It might last for awhile, but eventually the force of the current is going to go over, around or through that resistance.

And when that happens, there’s going to be a big mess downstream as all of those rocks and logs start bashing into things as they get pushed along by that initial blast. And the longer you have been building that dam, the bigger the explosion will be.

Been there, done that!

In the past, I have been very good at resisting emotions. I became an expert at building dams and shoring them up as the pressure builds: Piling on more and more logs and boulders to hold that Energy in Motion back. And I have experienced the explosive destruction that happens when that dam finally breaks. When that happens there is nothing to do except hold on and hope you can ride out the wave without getting pounded by the tumbling rocks and logs!

Yesterday, when I realized what I was doing, I consciously chose to move the resistance out of the way and let the sadness continue on its journey. The beautiful thing is that when you take conscious control of the process, you can choose, to a certain extent, how much of that E-motion you want to flow.

There is, without a doubt, some unpredictability to emotion, but when you stop resisting it, and start acknowledging and appreciating it, you can choose to open up the flow bit by bit rather than all at once.

One of the keys, along with acknowledgment, is appreciation. When you appreciate your emotions, yes, all of them, you immediately dissolve the resistance. Resistance and appreciation cannot coexist.

Now you might wonder why you would want to appreciate sadness. After all, sadness doesn’t feel good. Right?

Wrong.

It’s not the sadness that feels bad, it’s the resistance to the sadness that feels bad.

Release the resistance and the E-Motion can move again. And any time emotions are flowing - the energy is in motion - it feels good. Yes, even sadness!

The strange thing I’ve discovered is that when I release my resistance and allow myself to really dive into the sadness, it actually feels good. Often, I find that the tears of sadness lead seamlessly into tears of joy. At some point, as the tears flow, I realize they have shifted from sadness to joy.

Not always. Sometimes it is just sadness that needs to flow. And that is all right as well. Because when the resistance is gone and the energy of sadness can be in motion, it does not get stuck anywhere. No pressure builds up and that movement of energy is awakening.

So my encouragement for you on this Thanksgiving is to appreciate everything in your life. Along with all of your obvious blessings, look to appreciate the blessings that come to you in “disguise.”

Appreciate the mess you have to clean up to get your house ready for the family. Appreciate the mess they leave after Thanksgiving dinner. Appreciate all the ways your family manages to get under your skin. Appreciate the arguments and the hugs, the bickering and the banter. Appreciate it all.

Yes, even appreciate any sadness or anger that comes up. Appreciation is the process that dissolves resistance. Appreciation removes those logs and boulders and allows your energy to flow - ALL of your energy.

And the amazing thing is that when you appreciate everything in your life, you begin to find more and more people, experiences, emotions, thoughts and things coming into your life to appreciate.

I admit it, I like spiders. They get a bad rap. Undeserved, I might add. Not only do they eat a lot of those pesky flies and other bugs, but they often provide great personal growth lessons.

At least they have for me. I’ve already written about the little jumping spider who taught me a lesson about gratitude. And then there was the little guy who sacrificed his beautiful web in order to teach me about where to build my creations.

And now there’s this spider lesson about fear. And while the event that catalyzed this post and the original article happened two years ago, the lesson is still important.

It all began one Saturday morning. My wife came out of the bathroom and said, quite calmly, “Ed, there’s a big black spider in the bathtub.” Since I was watching my daughter, Ella, at the time, I carried her in there to investigate.

I was a bit surprised that my wife did not call it a Brown Recluse. That’s our running joke. She grew up in Brown Recluse territory, and whenever she sees a brownish spider she says “Ed, I just saw a Brown Recluse. Go get it.” And every time she says it, I gently remind her that the Brown Recluse does not live in Northern California as I go to gather up the culprit and take it outside.

But this morning, when Ella and I went to look in the tub, I could understand why Melissa had not called it a Brown Recluse. This spider was a deep shiny black. Now, while most spiders can bite, the only truly dangerous spider in our area is the black widow, a very distinctive, shiny black spider that I had never actually seen. So I’m usually pretty casual about spiders. But the color of this one caused me to act with a bit more caution. And it was good that I did. When I gathered up the critter in a Tupperware bowl, I could see, through the translucent plastic, the distinctive red hourglass on its belly.

Here was my first Black Widow Spider.

This was an exciting day for me. Unfortunately, Melissa did not share in my enthusiasm at this discovery. She promptly took Ella from my arms and commanded me to take the spider far away from the house. I must admit that I was pleased and a bit surprised that she did not insist that I immediately squash it.

Spiders Get A Bad Rap

Now I want to stop and put in a bit of a plug for spiders. They get a bad rap. They take the blame for a lot of stuff they don’t do: flea bites, tick bites, bed bug bites, even mosquito bites. You name it; spiders take the blame for it. Most spiders don’t bite humans, others only bite when confronted, and of those that do bite, there are only a handful that are truly dangerous to humans. (At least here in the US. There are a few countries that have some seriously dangerous spiders!) Even the bite of the supposedly deadly Black Widow is fatal in less than 1% of all instances.

And then there are the legends that have grown up around the infamous Brown Recluse. Over 60% of the medically diagnosed Brown Recluse bites occur in regions in which the spider does not live! How a spider that lives only in the South Central portion of the USA can be responsible for so many unexplained ailments here in California and elsewhere is beyond me.

Here’s a brief excerpt from a spider info site at the University of California to give you some perspective:

This website presents evidence for the lack of brown recluse spiders as part of the Californian spider fauna. Unfortunately, this contradicts what most Californians believe; beliefs that are born out of media-driven hyperbole and erroneous, anxiety-filled public hearsay which is further compounded by medical misdiagnoses.

This DOES Relate To Personal Growth!

At this point, you may be wondering what this has to do with personal growth. Fear not, I do have a point. And as the good Dr. Seuss would say, “This may not seem important I know. But it is, and that’s why I’m bothering telling you so.”

How do you feel about spiders? Do you cringe when you see one walking on your wall? Do you quiver at the thought of one crawling up your leg?

Where do those feelings come from? When you were a youngster, did someone in your family go into paroxysms of fear whenever a spider was spotted? Did you inherit that fear? And does that fear continue to control your relationship with these critters?

Ok, lets face it, a fear of spiders is not going to prevent you from living a successful, abundant, joyous life. But here’s the catch: What fears do you harbor that DO prevent you from living that life? What other fears have you inherited from your family and friends and the culture around you? And how do those fears hold you back from becoming the person you have the potential to be?

Fears Always Appear Larger

Your fear, because it is rooted in the past, always appears much larger than it really are. When we feel fear, we’re almost always reacting to the projection of something that was planted inside us long ago. Just as the shadow of a spider walking in front of a light appears huge and frightening, so too do our fears become magnified many times when we look at the projection. The reality of the spider, when viewed from a place of present-time awareness, is much less scary. So too do your fears become manageable when you shift your perception from the shadow to the source.

Fears thrive on the lies and exaggerations that are possible only in the dark, hidden places. As soon as you bring those fears out into the light you can begin to see them for what they really are. The trick, of course, is knowing how to pull those fears out into the light.

So here’s your assignment:

When you see a spider (or a snake or a mouse or you look down from a balcony or get onto a plane or fill in the blank) and you notice the dread that lives in the pit of your stomach, know that you have a great opportunity to practice shifting your perception.

So the next time you find yourself face to face with a spider (or whatever your fear is) rather than running away or calling for reinforcements, try to stop and breathe for a moment and become an explorer of your inner world. If you need to catch the spider and place it in a hermetically sealed container in order to breathe, that’s ok! And then see if you can observe that spider with the objectivity of a scientist.

This practice will serve you well the next time you find yourself confronted by a fear that really does hold you back from the life you want to live. When you feel yourself quaking as you prepare to give a presentation, when you watch your arms quivering as you walk into a job interview, when your mouth becomes drier than the Sahara desert as you share your portfolio with a gallery owner, whenever you notice yourself entering a place of fear, become a scientist, objectively exploring the phenomenon. Become a neutral observer of your own life. When you discover the source of your fear, you may be surprised to find that the reality is much less scary than the perception.

And just so that you don’t think I’m asking you do something that I’m not, I have a confession to make. Before Ella was born, I would not voluntarily pick up a spider in my hand. While I “logically” knew that it could not hurt me, the ferocious look (and some of them do look quite fearsome if you get up close) and the spider fears I inherited from both of my parents caused me to exercise caution.

But after Ella was born I made a conscious decision to do whatever I could to keep my fears out of her. So now, when I see a spider, and Ella is with me, I’ll just reach over and grab it with my hand. (I do grab a container to relocate those Wolf Spiders: Their bites aren’t that dangerous, but apparently can be quite painful).

I feel the fear as I’m doing it. It’s alive within me as I reach out. But my desire to give Ella the option to choose her path without the weight of my fears is enough to help me push through that fear and grab that little creature.

Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, it is feeling the fear and doing it anyway!

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”
-Helen Keller

The power of your Faith is effective only when you are willing to risk whatever the situation demands of you and in whatever you attempt to do. Whether it’s freedom from illness, finding material wealth, and experiencing life itself, without a certain amount of risk, your faith is inactive. You are not testing its secret power.

Whenever you are really clear about something you wish to do and know why you wish it to happen, you must then put all of the power of your faith behind your actions to make it happen. Any action you attempt to do must come from your strongest desire and purpose.

How do discoverers, scientists, inventors of new products, and so-called geniuses perfect their achievements? By trusting in a faith that is active, they use it to achieve their dreams. Any new discovery or achievement is the result of faith in action; the secret power that comes from within. It is available to you and everyone who accesses it and uses it.

You may fail to realize your dreams when you separate mental power from personal action. To keep your thoughts and actions strong, you only need to keep focusing on your faith and make sure your emotions are in sync with your dreams. Think about what you like to happen rather then what you don’t wish to happen. This is easy: pay close attention to the way you feel. Your feelings will always take you to where your thoughts are focused.

Get in the habit of making your thinking strong enough so that your attention is on things you desire and on what feels right for you. The opportunity that comes from these clear thoughts will lead you to the necessary action that takes you in the direction you need to go. When your faith is strong enough, you can relax and let it take over. You will create and attract all that is miraculous in your life.

Develop and practice your faith by focusing on a safe, successful outcome for anything you attempt to do. Recognize what your limits are and what may be beyond your reach. If you are thinking about developing a new business, a new product, service, or idea seek help with the areas you lack knowledge and/or skill to do. A strong, passionate belief in your worthiness to succeed is the secret power of faith that will make it happen.

Look until you find that secret power within you. Then after each successful achievement your faith gets stronger. Each achievement inspires you to look for more ways to succeed. You are better prepared to take greater risks. And when you find your secret power you will discover your true self. This gives you the opportunity and motivation to make use of every experience in your life.

So, when you build that better mousetrap, write the next bestseller, or invent the next internet software program, the world will beat a path to your door, recognize you no matter who you are. You will collect the rewards for declaring your faith. Go, do and be full of the power of your faith.

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Gerri D Smith, author, writer, publisher, speaker. If you liked this article, sign up for an inspirational newsletter with articles just like it and resources that unlock the doors to your business and personal success. And it is Free. Go to,

Have you ever noticed how good things happen to good people? There’s no mistake here. These people didn’t just “get lucky” but instead were proactive within their lives as opposed to simply reacting to things as they occur. They created the experiences they have beginning with the thoughts they think. How does this work?

Positive thoughts lead to positive feelings. These feelings lead to positive emotions. These emotions then promote positive behaviors. Finally, the positive behavior creates positive outcomes. In applying these steps to a real example, it may look something like this.

Let’s say you’re thinking about how nice it will be to spend some quality time with someone you love. Just thinking about the time you’ll spend makes you feel good. Maybe you’re feeling content, loved and happy. Those feelings lead to positive emotions such as love or joy. When you’re experiencing emotions such as love or joy, you’re more inclined to behave in a way which is in line with those feelings. Maybe you’re more supportive, loving or compassionate as a result. Because you’re more supportive or compassionate, you have more to give and behave in a manner which is conducive to showing your compassion. You may be more inclined to say or do something nice to someone, simply because you feel good.

Your random act of kindness (whether through words or deeds) may just be what the person on the other end needed. Maybe they were having a difficult day and your kind word or gesture enabled them to gain a better perspective and turn their day around. The immediate outcome may be that you’ve helped another person smile, feel valued or appreciated. The more extended outcome is that they now experience more positive thoughts which then turn it into a feeling, emotion, behavior and the cycle continues.

This entire scenario all came from just one of your positive thoughts! We have millions of thoughts throughout the course of a typical day. If more of them were positive, can you see how powerful this can be?

So if becoming a more positive thinker is on your to-do list, here are a few simple ways to begin.

1.Retrain your negative thoughts. For every negative thought you have, counter it with something positive. For example, “I’m so fat” can be countered with “I’m making healthy changes every day.”

2.Show gratitude. Here’s where you acknowledge, validate and appreciate all that you have. You recognize how blessed you are and show appreciation for all that you have and see.

3.Read positive quotes/books. Get ideas and inspiration from gurus, teachers and mentors. Learn how others create a positive outlook and get ideas from them. Also, learning from others can show you how they’ve managed difficult situations. It’s a great way to learn how they’ve turned obstacles into opportunities and used adversity as a learning tool or stepping stone to achieve something better.

4.Surround yourself with positive people. Just as how laughter is infectious, the positive thoughts, emotions and feelings from others can be infectious too. Besides being more positive, these people are also much more pleasant to be around.

5.Believe. Believe you can be a more positive thinker. You will or won’t become a more positive thinker based on your belief that you can or can’t.

6.Laugh. Not only does laughter feel good, but it’s good for your health. Studies show that laughter promotes the release of “feel good” chemicals within your body which helps to strengthen the immune system. What a funny reason to lighten up!

7.Control your thoughts. While you can’t control many things, you can always control your reaction to them. That means that an unfortunate situation can be either a minor bump in the road or a complete devastation…it’s up to you.

This holiday season, there will be many opportunities to become angry and upset or enlightened and enriched. The choice is always yours but as long as you do have a choice, why not choose to become a more positive thinker. By helping yourself you never know just how many other lives you may touch as a result.

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Debi Silber, MS, RD, WHC is a Registered Dietitian, Certified Personal Trainer, Whole Health Coach, Lifestyle Expert just for moms and the President of Lifestyle Fitness, Inc. She’s known as “The Mojo Coach” because she inspires overweight, overwhelmed and unfit moms to get their mojo back! For more on the Lifestyle Fitness Program, please visit http://www.lifestylefitnessinc.com